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On this week’s show, I welcome back Wendy Newman, a dating and relationship coach and the author of 121 First Dates: How to Succeed at Online Dating. Inspired by a date so awful and memorable that she retold it to convince her married friends that dating isn’t always as glamorous as it’s made out to be, she compiled all of her dating experiences into a book that details both the ups and the downs of the journey to find “the one” as well as how to understand men better.
No woman wants to go down an avoidable path of heartbreak and frustration. This week, Wendy and I discuss the biggest dating pitfalls that women often find themselves struggling to avoid.
The first dating pitfall is feeling obligated to please a man because you don’t want to hurt his feelings. If you’re out on a date with a man you met online and you meet him in person only to find out that he’s lied about his appearance, it’s easy to just “eat” the lie and continue on with the date. Remember ladies – you can escape such a situation with grace and without coming across as rude. Let him know from the very first interaction that he’s stretched the truth and that you aren’t obligated to stay for the remainder of the date. In this situation, the one thing you won’t be able to get back is your time.
By nature, you might lead with the endgame in mind. In other words, you know that you’d make a wonderful, caring, and loving life partner. Why not make these attributes the focus of your online dating profile? The problem with this approach is that for many men, they aren’t sure if they’re willing to be your friend much less your husband. Approaching a man with too much, too soon is a sure-fire way to turn him off and away – instead, avoid this pitfall by viewing the early stages of dating as a way of letting men know who you are as an interesting person.
The third dating pitfall is dating only one person at a time. Keep in mind that you’re not marrying every man you go out to dinner with – in the end, you’re looking for that special person to spend the rest of your life with. By limiting yourself to a pool of one, you compare the relationship you’ve made with that one person to being alone. By doing so, you won’t be able to dig deeper into deciding whether or not this man is truly the right one for you. Dating more than one man at a time allows you to examine the ways in which you interact differently in every relationship that you make, giving you a better understanding of what you want and need out of a meaningful connection.
Wendy’s fourth dating pitfall is dealing negatively with compatibility and chemistry. According to Wendy, the tricky thing about chemistry is that it’s absolutely essential to a healthy, happy relationship – without it, there’s no connection. It’s easy to become blinded by attraction and overlook the tendencies and habits of our partners that will make or break a relationship. Keep your eye out for the signs of good chemistry and don’t make excuses for a pretty face!
The final pitfall that women should avoid is simply trying to be someone that you’re not – according to Wendy, this is the absolute number-one mistake. Don’t follow a set of rules that dictate how you should build a relationship with a man. Identify the best practices for you, and don’t keep up a charade that will ultimately not be of the best interests of either you or your partner.
What do you think about Wendy’s relationship advice for avoiding the biggest dating pitfalls? Tell us in the comments below about your memorable dates – good or bad – and how it all turned out for you!
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Suzanne Oshima, Matchmaker & Dating Coach at Dream Bachelor & Bachelorette & the Founder of Single in Stilettos () interviews
Wendy Newman, Dating & Relationship Coach
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